


Grey

by CosMoe



Category: DreamWorks Dragons (Cartoon), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26605726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosMoe/pseuds/CosMoe
Summary: In the night it hurts the most to mourn the death of a fellow rider
Relationships: Fishlegs Ingerman & Ruffnut Thorston, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Fishlegs Ingerman, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Mother of the Thorston Twins, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Snotlout Jorgenson
Comments: 11
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

She laid on her bed and didn't dare to open the eyes, just because she was afraid to find the sky still dark.

It was the meanest when it was dark.

No, she wouldn't open her eyes. Instead, she snuggled into her blanket and fought off the cold by wriggling deeper into the furs beneath her.

That was cozy.

A tiny smile spread on her mouth, while she drifted back into sleep.

Suddenly she felt a breeze at her neck.

A soft breeze, not too cool, so maybe it could have been a breath, too.

There also was a low noise at her ear, a silent whisper.

"I'm ticklish!" she giggled.

An arm looped around her waist and squeezed her.

"Stop that, it feels weird!" she thought and reached behind her, ready to shove.

It must have been him, who else would bother her like that?

A feeling of annoyance and comfort.

The pressure increased and it felt like someone or something would press the air out of her lungs.

"Stop, stop it!" she thought again and tried to loosen the steel-like grip around her chest.

Ice-cold fingers crept through her skin, slipped between her ribs, grabbed her pounding heart, and tried to crush it.

The cold spread from her heart, froze her shoulders, her neck.

The most terrible about it was, that she couldn't do anything about it.

Tears welling from her eyes she tried to shrug the cold away, which slowly took her ability to breathe, but it stuck on her like resin.

Down her arms and her belly, the cold made her shiver and flinch.

When she finally thought it would kill her she jumped up, covered in sweat.

Her breath went too fast, too flat, near to hyperventilation.

Embracing herself, digging fingernails into her arms, she sat in her bed, panting and trembling.

A dream, it has been a dream, she thought.

Noticing the young man shutting the window, coming over to her, sitting down on the mattress next to her made her realize that she had had a nightmare, but it hadn't been a dream.

He pulled up the blanket, wrapped it around her to stop the shaking.

Carefully he pulled her into a hug, waiting for her reaction, but she let it happen.

Resting her head on his chest she listened to his heartbeat, steady and calm, much alive.

Her throat hurt, it hurt so much, so she gave up fighting.

All the tears she didn't shed in the daytime flooded her burning eyes.

A hoarse sob escaped her throat, then she fell silent, unable to breathe, the cry building up and cramping her torso.

"Let it out!" he said, quietly and without judgment.

Then she screamed, doubling over, going limp as she lost all the tension that had lifted her for the last days.

Oh that pain, she never would have assumed it would hurt so much, so, so much!

She felt like dying and that was what she wished the most just at that moment.

Not being forced to feel all the devastation, desperation.

She didn't care that her face was covered in snot, spit was leaking between her into a grimace twisted lips, choking and gagging.

She also didn't care that she threw up, that her cries were heard all over the neighborhood.

Fishlegs didn't care either, he just changed Ruffnut's blanket, wrapped her up again.

With a wet cloth, he wiped her face, brushed the hair out of her face, softly stroked her back.

He felt like crying, too, but he wanted to stay strong, had to be the shoulder to lean on.

He looked to the door, saw Ruffnut's mother standing in the doorframe, hands clasped over her chest, head hanging low, shoulders twitching from sobbing.

Hiccup carefully grabbed her at the shoulders, led her back to bed.

It was good not to be alone, although both women had asked for just that, being alone.

Embracing mother Thorston felt similar to hugging Ruffnut, all skin and bones, and hair.

But she hadn't fought as long as Ruffnut, she had given in earlier, had accepted the truth.

It took an uncertain amount of time, but mother Thorston drifted back into a restless sleep, mumbling while she dozed off.

"My son, oh my son."

Ruffnut had calmed down at some point. She refused to speak, she refused to drink and Fishlegs let her, this night he wouldn't force her to do anything against her will.

Her head fell onto the pillow, eyes shut, mouth open to breathe steadily.

Fishlegs left Ruff's room, ignoring the empty bed on the other side of the room.

He met Hiccup in the kitchen.

Both dropped on two chairs at the table.

Both didn't dare to look at each other, afraid to lose control.

Their gaze was magically attracted by the helmet, that laid on the bench under the window.

The milky moonlight was reflected by the battered metal, one horn broken.

Hiccup shook his head frantically to get rid of the image of the bloodstains on the inside.

Fishlegs pressed his palms against his eyes.

"The sky is turning grey. Gonna go home, trying to get some sleep."

Hiccup nodded.

He knew that in the daytime the Thorston women would get along, somehow.

Him, Fishlegs, Astrid, Gobber, and Stoick would be there for the grieving.

"Gonna have a look at Snotlout. Guess he could use a hug, too!" Hiccup said and rose from the chair.

Together they left the hut.

Berk was silent and peaceful, as the sun announced itself by brighten up the sky.

Snotlout was sitting on the porch of his father's hut.

Red rimmed eyes staring into the distance.

"I changed my mind. Let's go home." Hiccup said and headed home.

With an understanding look, the young men parted.

Finally going home, finally being hugged themselves, giving up the strength, being allowed to mourn their friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tuffnut dies due to his injuries.  
> Ruffnut doesn't know what to do, how to behave.  
> She can't even cry.  
> So she pretends to be okay, until she breaks down.  
> But she's not ready for the outbreak, not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the prequel to "Grey"

Barf and Belch had been blown from the sky.

With wobbling movements they crashed to the ground, hitting some trees before they finally stopped.

Ruff had been thrown into the shrubs, her entire body was spiked with thorns, her skin burnt and she felt bruised and sore.

Laboriously she struggled to her feet.

Scratches and cuts covered her skin and she bled, but she wasn't seriously injured.

When she stood on both her feet and the world had stopped turning she listened.

Barf and Belch were lowly roaring and squeaking, obviously, they had been hurt by their crash.

"Poor guys!" Ruff cooed when she saw their dragon limp.

The left wing seemed to be broken.

Belch's side was bloody, and although his wounds surely were painful, he wasn't injured too bad.

"Where's Tuff?" Ruff asked and again listened.

The high pitched sound in her left ear, which she had always thought was tinnitus, was gone.

Strange, she thought.

Something was missing without it. It felt like a broken connection.

"Tuffnut? Tuff!" Ruff shouted, ran into the forest, looked for him at the traces their crashing dragon had left.

She looked at the shrubs, into the trees – maybe he had landed in a treetop.

But he seemed to be nowhere.

Suddenly she heard voices, screams.

Fishlegs, Hiccup, and the loudest of them: Snotlout.

Astrid ran towards Ruff.

Out of breath she gasped for air and panted: "We... found him! Come, hurry!"

With an iron grip, Astrid grabbed Ruff by her wrist and pulled her after herself.

Ruff's heart was pounding in her chest, fear spreading in her mind.

What if...? No. Just no.

Tuffnut's tunic was torn, his chest was exposed and the way his sternum bulged under his skin didn't look healthy.

Neither did a lot of his ribs, which left bumps – obviously broken.

The worst was his twisted torso - the angle to his pelvis and legs looked utterly wrong.

Fishlegs held Tuff's helmet in one hand. The right horn was broken and blood started to dry on the inside.

The right side was dented.

Tuff's head looked as usual at the first moment, but blood dripped out of his ear.

Ruff pounced on her brother, carefully grabbed his face, and turned it towards her.

There was a spot on his skull, where fragments of bones seemed to be where they shouldn't.

The male twin's grey eyes were turned towards the sky but stared into the void.

As Ruff had turned his face a wet rattle left Tuff's mouth, followed by a thin rivulet of blood.

Then there was silence.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! Do you think I've protected you all our lives and now you just die on me? Stay with me, moron!"

The dragon riders stood in a circle around Ruffnut, who yelled at her brother and repeatedly slammed her fist onto his chest.

"Keep on beating, silly heart! We'll patch you up again, you'll see! You'll be as good as new, just let Gothi have a look at it! Fishlegs, go get Gothi! Hiccup, give me something to bandage his head! Astrid..."

Astrid had put her hand onto Ruff's shoulder. "Ruffnut," she said barely audible. "Ruffnut, come here!"

Ruff didn't hear Astrid's words, although she saw the blonde girl's lips move.

She didn't hear Hiccup talking to her.

In this recent moment, she only heard Snotlout's terrible cries.

She only saw the short rider fall onto his knees, holding on to himself, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Fishlegs was behind Snotlout, had his hand softly placed on the stocky one's back.

Snotlout swayed and didn't realize Hiccup pulling him up, dragging him away.

One of the pictures forever etched in her mind was Snotlout screaming, kicking around and at last being carried away by Gobber, who suddenly had appeared out of nowhere.

Also, Stoick appeared, dismounted Skullcrusher, and went over to Ruffnut, who continuously gave some kind of cardiac massage to the inanimate body of her brother.

He knelt down, searched for a heartbeat, checked for breaths.

Fishlegs, who had gone with Gobber had taken off with Snotlout, embracing him tightly, giving him all the comfort he could give right now.

Gobber returned to the place where the rest of the riders stood in horror.

With gentle force, he parted Ruffnut from her brother.

Very carefully Stoick took Tuffnut's body in his arms.

Blank eyes staring at the blue skies above.

All limbs were hanging limply, inside his back Tuffnut's spine crunched.

"Oh no. Oh good Odin, no! Why have you chosen him to sit down at your table?" Stoick mumbled.

After a deep sigh, that didn't even loose the knot in Stoick's chest the chief turned to Hiccup.

"Son, as the heir of the chieftain, future chief of Berk it is up to you to announce the return of this brave warrior to his mother. Let's bring him home."

Hiccup swallowed hard. He wanted to lose his shit, wanted to cry, wanted to scream, wanted to kill the dragon hunters, each one on his own.

But he had to take responsibility. He and Fishlegs were the ones to take care of a controlled process. It was unfair, but also an honor.

Ruffnut couldn't help but stare. She wasn't able to move, wasn't able to think.

She didn't say a word when Gobber took her in his arms and carried her over to Grump.

Hiccup and Astrid cared for Barf and Belch being carried by Hookfang and Stormfly, while Astrid rode with Hiccup and Toothless.

Sigrun Thorston heard the voices, the turmoil within the village, and stepped outside her hut.

There were chief Stoick and his son, Gobber and Astrid.

She saw Stoick and Gobber carry someone and Hiccup who went ahead in front of them.

She had noticed the dragon hunters' raid on the other side of the island and she had seen her children ride on their dragon, from the stable she was working in.

She hadn't been able to say goodbye and that they should take care of themselves.

It had been a coincidence that they even had been on Berk.

Now her heart sunk, as she looked at Hiccup, who approached with hanging head, getting slower and slower the nearer he came.

"No!" she whispered.

When Hiccup finally stood in front of Mrs. Thorston he took a deep breath.

Anxious he rose his gaze and tried to look into the eyes of the mother, who had lost a child.

"No!" she said again, louder this time.

Hiccup couldn't say anything.

No one could.

He tried, but nothing but a hoarse croaking came out of his throat.

With a dry sob, he embraced Sigrun Thorston and hoped to ever be able to breathe again.

There had never been something as horrible as hearing these cries of the heartbroken mother.

Sigrun clenched to Hiccup's shoulders, hardly able to stand on her feet, so Hiccup guided her into the hut, let her sit down on a chair by the table.

Stoick followed and laid Tuffnut onto the table, arranging the bloody mess of hair, finally shutting Tuff's eyes.

Gobber let Ruffnut sit down next to her mother.

She had stopped talking, the shock sitting too deep.

Sigrun got up, touched Tuff's face, held his hands, fingers already cold and white, arms only still warm on the insides.

In a motherly gesture, she kissed his forehead, didn't care for the blood that had poured from the laceration on the right side of his skull, and covered the most of his face.

It was dry now, but she perceived the metallic smell that filled the hut.

Fishlegs, who had brought Snotlout home, came over and brought Tuffnut's helmet.

They all looked at each other. No one knew what to do or what to say. So they just stayed, held each other, didn't say much.

Ruff sat at the table and couldn't take her eyes off her brother's body.

There was so much that she wanted to say.

But she couldn't grasp a clear thought, so she remained silent.

Later all had gone home.

Sigrun Thorston heated water, prepared several buckets, sponges, and soap.

With firm movements, she tore the leftovers of Tuff's tunic from his tormented body. She also removed his pants, leaving his undergarment on to keep his dignity.

Ruff just sat and watched her mother wash Tuffnut's hair, his face.

She watched her mother cleaning off the dried blood from his chest, saw the silent tears dropping to his face that looked more and more strange to her.

When Sigrun dried her son she grabbed his pendant, held it in her hand for a while.

Without using words she asked her daughter to bring out the bloody water.

Ruff got up and her legs felt stiff and hardly able to carry her weight.

Outside, when she had poured the water into the soakaway, she saw their dragon sitting in the stable, miserable, and hurt.

She went over and nuzzled both heads, still out of words.

Feeling nothing but pain Ruff dropped on her butt, leaned at Barf's and Belch's chest.

The warm dragon skin, the steady breathing, the small purrs helped her a little to settle down.

Curling up on the ground she fell asleep.

Deep in the night, Ruff woke up, startled, and sweaty.

When she ran inside she saw her mother being asleep, head resting on her arms on the table.

Ruff looked at her brother, who now wore a fresh tunic and asked: "Wanna sleep in my bed, butt-elf? There's no need to be afraid of the dark. There's no need to be afraid."

With these words, she climbed onto the table and pressed herself near to the body that now was cold, and only so little her brother.

His skin was looking grey, his face without expression.

Soon, she thought, soon he'll take a deep, deep breath and sit up, yelling "Loki'd!" at me and laugh. And I will beat the living shit out of him for shocking me like that!

Of course, nothing like that happened. Ruff fell asleep again, freezing in her sleep.

This cold scared her, she had never trembled worse in her life.

When she woke up she sat up, poked Tuff's shoulder, and whispered: "Time for bed, bro. I'll expect...", but she fell silent again.

There was nothing to expect.

So she climbed off of the table, brought a blanket for her mom, and went to bed.

Sleep didn't come, but the images of what she had seen.

Ruff tossed and turned, got up, laid down.

At some point, her body gave in to the exhaustion and she fell asleep.

Her mom working in the hut woke her up.

The first villagers had come to express their condolences.

The whole day was filled with people and voices, who came and left, the hut was much too small and all seemed much too loud.

No one really cared for Ruff, who refused to leave her brother's side, sat next to him, held his hand, that now was soft again after the rigor mortis had gone away.

No one but Snotlout, who sat down next to her, took her hand and stared at his best friend for a long time.

Snotlout cried silently, big tears dropping from his chin, but he didn't even bother to wipe them away.

Every now and then Ruff and he squeezed their hands, giving each other tiny amounts of reassurance.

When he left, Snotlout pressed a kiss at Ruff's forehead.

Then he stroked the cold cheek of his friend, mumbling "I love you, bro!"

Sigrun Thorston was exhausted but grateful for the support. Nearly everyone had brought something to eat or some hack silver, few coins of gold.

When all had gone Sigrun dropped on the chair across Ruffnut and took Tuff's other hand.

"Look, son, even when you're dead you cause such a mess!" she chuckled.

Her shoulders twitched and the silent laughter became crying.

Ruff hated it, all of it, the villagers, her mom being sad and wrecked.

She wanted to reply that Tuff wasn't dead, he would never do that to her, but again she couldn't speak.

If she spoke she would cry and she wasn't ready to cry. She never cried.

She was too strong.

Stoick was the last visitor.

"The boat is prepared," he said. "Do you want to choose who fires the arrow?"

Sigrun wanted to point at Ruff, but she only shook her head frantically.

"I – I guess Snotlout should do it," she said and Ruff sighed relievedly.

Stoick sat down for a while and stared at the corpse.

He felt miserable for being relieved, that it wasn't his son who had died.

"Sigrun - Gobber, Spitelout, Hoark, and I will come over to pick Tuffnut up in about half an hour if that's okay."

Sigrun nodded, although it was all but okay.

It was not okay, that these men would come and bring her son away.

And he would never return, though.

She clenched her teeth and nodded again for emphasis.

Stoick got up, softly squeezed her shoulder, and patted Ruff's head.

He felt awkward and scared.

The men had prepared a boat for Tuffnut, it was decorated with flowers and ivy.

Around his body were some of his weapons, lots of Chicken's feathers, scales of Barf and Belch, some of his books.

His legs were covered with his favorite blanket and in his hands on his chest lied Macey.

Stoick cleared his throat, as all participants had gathered at the shore.

The wind had turned and the air was chill.

Gobber and Spitelout gave the boat a gentle push to bring it into the water.

When the waves had carried the boat a short distance away began to say the Vikings' prayer.

"Lo there do I see my father. Lo there do I see my mother and my sisters, and my brothers. Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning. Lo, they do call to me they bid me take my place among them in the Halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live forever."

Stoick paused and gave Snotlout a sign to fire the arrowhead and shoot it onto the ship, that silently swayed on the soft waves of the ocean.

Snotlout was a good archer, but now he trembled and had to breathe very controlled to aim properly.

He shot the arrow and hit.

The boat slowly enlightened in fire

Ruffnut, her mom, Stoick, Gobber, Hiccup, Fishlegs, Snotlout, and Astrid stayed until the boat was out of sight and only a faint glow could be seen at the horizon.

Ruff was the first to leave.

She went to the stable to lie down in the straw with Barf and Belch.

There was no way she could stand their room alone.

"Hiccup, Fishlegs!" Stoick said.

"I know it's not fair and you have to mourn your friend, too. But could you stay with Ruffnut and her mom for some days, at least for the nights? I'm worried about Ruffnut. She doesn't seem to understand what happened. Or maybe she understands but refuses to believe.

I'm afraid she could do something stupid."

Hiccup and Fishlegs nodded and headed to the Thorston's hut.

They spent the night together at the stable, keeping Ruff warm and safe.

Ruffnut didn't feel anything. Everything was strangely dull and numb.

Her hands felt weak, she couldn't help her mom with all the chores that had to be done.

Luckily Hiccup helped out.

Ruff was ashamed and relieved at the same time. She hated to admit that she wasn't strong enough to function as usual, but she was glad to have their friends helping, so that she didn't have to be as strong as usual.

Very often she stood at the table and stared at the helmet on the bench under the window.

And suddenly she flinched and ran away.

Although Hiccup and Fishlegs were very discrete she felt followed and irritated.

Currently, she only could stand Barf and Belch and always withdrew into the stable, if possible.

Belch's wing was splinted and seemed to heal.

Ruff cleaned his wounds and scratched his chin like Tuffnut had used to do it.

She forgot to eat, to drink and after two days Ruff collapsed in the stable.

Fishlegs carried her upstairs, put her to bed, let her sip a little water.

Hiccup was tired. Inside of him, he felt like about to explode, the tension made him aggressive and fidgety.

He hardly slept and he wasn't allowed to cry, yet. Not yet.

There was nothing he longed more for than being held and cared for.

Astrid visited him, as he sat on the porch by dusk.

"You may not believe it, but I've been over at Snotlout's hut, comforting him. Isn't it crazy? We take all for granted. But our lives are so precious. Promise me that you'll always take care of you! I can't imagine a world without you in it.

Uh, and I can't imagine a world without Tuffnut in it. Do you remember, how he convinced the Outcasts to be a Berserker?"

Hiccup and Astrid sat on the porch together, talked, laughed, distracted each other from their wish to break down and cry.

There would come the time for mourning, but now they had to be strong for those, who were affected the most by Tuffnut's death.  
His death. It didn't sound real.

Fishlegs came out and sat down next to Astrid.

"I don't know why, but I have a feeling that Ruffnut's mind is processing differently now. She talks in her sleep. I guess she could be ready for the big outbreak."  
"Oh," Astrid said quietly, "And are you, too?"

"Not in the slightest. But we'll stay with them until Ruff has understood what has happened. She's a timebomb. How is Snotlout doing?"

Astrid shrugged. "He cries, he is angry, he falls silent and refuses to talk or eat. But I think he's doing very well. Just the way it should be. It looks wholesome."

"We're far from wholesome here." Hiccup said and got up. He placed a brief kiss on Astrid's lips.  
Mrs. Thorston has a huge need to talk and I'm here to listen. Just until she can talk with Ruff. I guess she'll need a bit more time to realize that her other half is gone. She is now a whole and only a half, never complete again."

Ruff had avoided falling asleep for three days now and she could hardly tell apart if she was awake or asleep, if she dreamed or really experienced all this shit.

Of course, it was a nightmare!  
Tuffnut surely was afraid of the dark again and sought comfort in her bed.

There was a breeze at her neck, she could feel it very distinctly.  
She smiled and turned around.

"What do you think how long I still will accept you moron crawling into my bed?"  
But there was no one.  
The bed on the other side of the room was empty, and besides herself, her own bed was too.

Breathe! She said to herself.  
The darkness was full of silence.  
Nothing to distract from the thoughts, the images, the feelings.

Ruff lit a candle and took a knife.  
She carved some figures, walked through the room, tidied her laundry chest.  
Rode Sam, the stuffed yak. Avoided to look at the empty bed.

Read a book without understanding, without remembering.

Fell asleep sitting on her chair.  
And finally, the sky turned grey.

She could get dressed and go feed Chicken and her chicks.

Inside of her all was grey, too.

She knew that she was supposed to mourn, but she couldn't give in, not yet.

If she now started to cry... how could she ever stop again?


End file.
